Your spouse and you used to get along like peanut butter and jam. Now, you and your spouse seem to be like oil and water. You might have different ideas and expectations about your marriage, parenting style and finances.
Is it time for marriage counseling to be sent in as reinforcement?
It can be frightening and humiliating to admit that you need help. It can lead to a positive outcome: a relationship based on open communication.
Adam Borland, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist who focuses on red flags in relationships and provides marriage counseling advice.
What is marriage counselling?
Marriage counseling occurs when couples seek help from an outside source to improve their relationship. This is usually done by a licensed mental healthcare provider.
You will discuss any problems or issues you are experiencing in your relationship during a session. Marriage counseling is helpful at any stage of a relationship, whether it’s a brand-new one or one that has been going on for years. Some couples attend pre-marriage or premarital therapy to improve their communication and learn how to resolve problems.
When it comes to couples counseling vs. marital counseling, Dr. Borland says that the terms are often interchangeable and that both types of talk therapy have the same goal: resolving issues and improving one’s relationship.
Dr. Borland says that to have a healthy marriage, you need three things: honesty, communication and trust. Marriage counseling can restore or establish all three.
Marriage counseling is available in:
- Communication is key to a better relationship.
- Strengthening the emotional bond between couples
- Cooperation should be increased.
- Stress: Reduce it.
Marriage counseling is not a sign of failure in your marriage or relationship. Seeking professional help can actually strengthen your relationship.
You may need marriage counseling if you notice these signs
Marriages are unique, just like fingerprints. Each partner brings their own hopes, dreams and personality quirks to the relationship. When you combine these factors, it can create fireworks, a flamestorm, or both. It’s for this reason that Dr. Borland believes there is no single answer to the question of when to seek help.
He says that “earlier is better in general, but it also depends on how the couple interacts.” Finances, availability of therapists, as well as societal and cultural factors, can all play a part in the decision for a couple to seek therapy.
If you pay attention to the signs Dr. Borland has listed, it may be possible to escape before your home burns.
You have difficulty communicating
Do you recognize this? You either have a very loud home (from the yelling), or a very quiet one (does anyone give you’silent treatment? ).
It might be useful to consult a professional to assess the situation, and to give you and/or your partner advice on how to communicate effectively and resolve issues.
Dr. Borland says that couples often feel like they are having the same arguments over and over.
Lack of intimacy, either physical or emotional
You used to have a relationship that was filled with passion and love. If you feel the romance fading, having someone suggest strategies to focus on your relationship could be useful.
He adds, “I have heard couples say they feel more like roommates than spouses with little intimacy or sexual chemistry.”
The trust has been broken
You suspect that your partner is lying. You know you are lying. There may have been an affair. There are many ways to cheat.
“Infidelity doesn’t solely depend on sexual behavior,” says Dr. Borland. Online communication and social media can break trust in a relationship.
Marriage counseling can help you work out your trust issues.
You’ve experienced a major change in your life
The birth of a baby, the death or a loved one in your family, a move, a new career, or retirement are all changes that can have a big impact on a marriage, according to Dr. Borland.
Marriage counseling can help you and you partner adjust to your new life.
If these major life changes also affect other family members, such as children, you might want to consider marriage and Family Counseling to give everyone a chance express their feelings and to learn coping techniques.
You all have an addiction
This can be an incredibly scary situation. Dr. Borland says that a addiction can cause a lot of strain in a relationship.
You may be angry and resentful towards your partner, making it difficult to understand how to talk to them. If you have a addiction or substance abuse disorder, it may be difficult to admit you need help. Working with a marriage therapist can help you have open and honest discussions.
How effective is marriage counselling?
Does marriage counseling really work?
Marriage counseling is effective in about 75% cases, according to the American Psychological Association. The remaining 25% is dominated by those in abusive relationships or who are actively separating.
Dr. Borland assures that “there are many couples whose marriages were strengthened and saved through marriage counseling.” I remember one couple saying, “We’re laughing a lot more.” We are doing fun things. And who wouldn’t want to have more fun?
Marriage counseling is worth it. You will learn to better communicate and how to deal with conflict.
What to do when your partner refuses marriage counseling
Marriage counseling is not unusual for one partner in a couple to be reluctant or unwilling to attend.
According to Dr. Borland, resolving issues in this situation can be difficult. It can be useful to explain the benefits of therapy to your partner if they have never attended.
Remind your partner that your goal is to strengthen your relationship.
When you start marriage counseling you might become frustrated because your partner refuses to open up about his or her feelings. Dr. Borland says that this is a common occurrence and you should be patient.
He says that it can take several sessions for someone to feel comfortable enough to share their emotions.
You can go to therapy alone if your partner doesn’t want help. This will allow you to develop communication and listening skills.
Find the best marriage counselor to help you in your relationship
You may wonder how to locate a marriage counsellor now that you have decided to try marriage counseling.
It can be difficult to find the right counselor. Dr. Borland recommends these resources:
- Website of the American Psychological Association
- Psychology Today website.
- Your insurance company.
Dr. Borland suggests that you give it three to four sessions after you have identified the person who is going to hear your darkest secrets before making a judgment. You and your partner should both be comfortable with the person you choose. It could take a while to find the perfect fit. It’s worth it.
