You’re probably familiar with the feeling of waking in a cold, sweaty state. Although you know that you are not in any danger, you know that the nightmare from which you’re waking was quite intense.
When children have nightmares the sense that they are still in trouble may seem very real. They yell. They squirm and kick. This mid-sleep interruption can prevent them (and you!) from falling back asleep. Fear of future nightmares may make your child anxious about going to bed the next day… or the night after that…
Children’s nightmares can lead to a cycle that leads to sleeplessness, says pediatric psychologist Catrina Liitzenburg, Ph.D. Nightmares may cause a phobia of the dark, or fear of sleep. This fear may cause them to sleep less. Overtiredness can cause nightmares. It’s a cycle.
Children’s nightmares are normal. Half of all kids have nightmares. Why? How can you help them overcome?
We asked Dr. Litzenburg for some advice on how to help your child when his or her nightmares turn into… oh, well, nightmares.
When does nightmares begin?
According to researchers at the Pediatric Sleep Council, babies don’t have nightmares. Infants and toddlers often cry when they awaken during the night. However, this does not necessarily mean that they are having a dream.
It’s difficult to research. We can’t be sure of what babies and toddlers are experiencing when they sleep because they can’t express their fears or dreams.
Dr. Litzenburg says that young children, those younger than four years old, don’t usually have nighttime fears because they aren’t aware of the dangers. We start to see nightmares and fear in preschoolers. They are becoming more creative and have developed the ability to express their feelings and dreams.
Sleep terrors are more common in younger children, especially those below the age of seven. How to tell the difference.
Sleep terrors and nightmares
Nightmares happen during REM sleep. It’s the lighter sleep phase. Your child will wake up confused, startled and scared when they have a nightmare. You may hear them cry and they will be able tell you what their nightmare was.
Sleep terrors or night terrors usually occur in the deepest phase of non-REM (also known as “slow wave sleep”) sleep. Sleep terrors can cause your child to yell and scream, but they are not awake. Your child will not respond well to comforting words and hugs. They may even forget the event in the morning.
Dr. Litzenburg says that younger children sleep more slowly than adolescents and adults. There’s so many things happening in their growing bodies, that they need to spend more sleep time in this deep pattern to promote their healthy growth and development.
Why children have nightmares
Sleep is often viewed as a period of inactivity. Looks can be deceiving.
Your child’s brain is hard at work when they fall asleep, processing the events of the day and their feelings. The sleep also helps with memory consolidation and learning. According to the National Institutes of Health, dreams a little. On some nights, these dreams can become dark and frightening.
If your child has:
- Anxiety.
- Fear.
- Sleep deprivation is a condition where you get too little sleep , or sleep of poor quality.
- Stress.
- Trauma.
Kids have nightmares all the time. The content of these dreams will likely change as your child grows older.
Dr. Litzenburg says that preschoolers often have a lot of imagination and can’t distinguish between what is real and what isn’t. This leads to them having nightmares about being chased by imaginary animals and other things. As your child grows, their nightmares will probably be more closely tied to stressors in life. “Things like negative experiences in school or problems with friends.”
Helping to prevent nightmares
A single nightmare is not likely to affect your child’s sleep patterns. Sleep deprivation can be a problem for your child if they have recurring nightmares.
Dr. Litzenburg offers four suggestions to help your child cope with nightmares.
1. Remember what’s real to them and what’s not
Children, especially toddlers and younger ones, can find it difficult to distinguish between what is real and what is not. Try explaining to a child why Elsa is able to create a snowman from thin air, but they are not. (Go on. We dare you.)
The same is true of nightmares. It can be so frighteningly real, that children can find it difficult to distinguish what they’ve experienced while sleeping from what is actually happening.
Dr. Litzenburg explains, “Nightmares are frightening because they feel so real.” It can be helpful to remind your children that dreams are not real during the day. You can tell your child that nightmares are scary but not real. “You’re safe at home in your bed or room.
You can also ask your child what they see when you are in their room. You can teach them how their eyes play tricks on them. For example, you can say, “See it’s not the witch, just your coat hanging on a chair. Or, see the shadows moving on your walls? These aren’t evil people creeping in the house. They’re just the headlights of cars passing by.
Children who are older can be more involved in the process of separating truth from fiction. Dr. Litzenburg recommends making notecards for children who are able to write. They can then leave them in visible places. They can include reminders such as “Nightmares don’t exist” or “I feel safe in bed.”
2. Prioritize sleep
When your child sleeps too little, they are more likely to experience nightmares.
“Nightmares can be a sign of parasomnia, which is a sleep disruption. They are often associated with poor quality sleep or insufficient sleep,” says Dr. Litzenburg.
Follow the recommendations on how much sleep your children need. Check out these tips for kids’ sleep to learn about bedtime routines and strategies that will keep your kids in bed.
3. Encourage independence
If your child is waking up with a nightmare or delaying going to bed (again), it’s time to take action. It’s easy to cave in when your child says they are afraid to go to bed. Bed-sharing may be a preferred option for some families. However, if you want your child to sleep alone, then you should insist on it.
Dr. Litzenburg says it’s okay to stay in the room of your child for a while to help him relax and fall asleep. When you let your child sleep with you and leave their room, you may reinforce in their minds that the room is not safe. This is not the message you want to send.
4. Comfort items are available
If your child insists that youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu need to be with them, Dr. Litzenburg recommends offering an intermediary.
She says that having a special item in the child’s bed can help him develop an association between sleep and this object. “Your child will associate it with sleep,” she says. It also makes them more independent, because they can comfort themselves with their item of choice without needing to talk to anyone.
You can use anything to provide comfort for your child in their bed. Blankets and stuffed toys are common. Dr. Litzenburg says that it could also be a pillowcase or shirt from a parent. A child can find comfort in a scent that reminds them of a loved one.
Should I be concerned about my child’s dreams?
Dr. Litzenburg suggests that if nightmares are impacting your child’s ability to learn or interact with family or friends, it is time to discuss strategies with their pediatrician.
Remember, you, as the parent or primary caregiver know your child’s needs and wants better than anyone else. Do not hesitate to seek support from a healthcare professional if you are concerned about the impact nightmares have on your child’s sleep or development.
